Single.

Hey friends. I know, I know, who’s that girl? It’s been almost a full year since I last blogged, and there are so many changes that have been made in my Life since.

For starters, I am now single. What a gross word, single. Single, only one. Alone. Blech. I prefer- on my own, or newly liberated. Okay, maybe that was a step too far, but I don’t feel alone. Honestly, I feel free. I feel relieved, I feel renewed, and I feel like I have a wonderful chance to ‘start over’ and create the exact Life I’d like to lead.

The choice to leave my wonderful Jacob was not an easy one, because he honestly did nothing wrong. He was always kind to me, cared for me, and wanted the best for me. He never hurt me, cheated on me, or did me wrong. So why leave? I wish I could answer simply. In short, my giving, nurturing nature got the best of me, and I had forgotten to live for myself. Everything I did was to make sure Jake was happy, healthy, taken care of , fed, clothed, etc. Things a mother does for her child, not a girlfriend for a boyfriend. My definition of love was to martyr myself for his happiness, something I put completely on myself. This makes it even harder to be away from him now, because I still care for him deeply, but I know a relationship isn’t in my best interest right now.

I have goals that I want to achieve, things that I want to be proud of accomplishing completely on my own. It’s important for me to take time in my early 20’s (can you believe I’ll be 22 in a matter of months?) to assert myself as being independent. It’s important to me to feel free to make whatever decisions about my life I see fit. Yes, I am being selfish. But if not now, when? I haven’t been single since I was 17, and I just didn’t want to live my life and never know what it felt like to be on my own. I felt there was a very important chunk of Life experience waiting for me, calling to be explored on my own. Along the way, there are things I’d like to gain. Continue reading

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Fulfillment- FILL Your Life with Happiness

Hello friends!!

Exciting news in the world of Alyssa can’t stop painting! So I love painting, but have recently realized that I keep accumulating all these paintings that while I absolutely love, I will probably never use or hang in my home.

Enter my new Etsy store! From here I’ll be able to keep painting and maybe make some money off them? I’m not painting in the interest of generating any income, lest you be confused. I will continue to paint no matter what, even as the stack of paintings continues to take over my room :) Friends, I’ve decided that my newest requirement in my dream home is a sunroom where I can sit and listen to music and paint and just really get absorbed into my work. You know how in nail salons they have those shelves on the walls with just rows and rows of nail polish colors? That’s my goal for my acrylic paints. Just rows of endless color options on the walls, a nice room with some sunlight, and maybe a nice big easel so i can start tackling bigger projects. My next goal would be to get started painting on a larger scale. I think up to this point the biggest canvas I’ve painted is 11″x14″, which is not a bad size, but I would just love to see what I’m capable of on a canvas 2 or even 3 times as big!

Anyways friends, that’s my paint rant. I love it, it makes me happy, so I’m going to keep doing it! Simple as that.

Friends, what do you do that brings you happiness? Think about it, whether it be something creative like painting, drawing, or writing, cooking a good meal for your family, or even just getting a good workout in, consider what brings you fulfillment. Do you do that often enough for yourself? If not, how can you alter your days to bring that in?  Continue reading

My “Sex Talk”

From the very beginning, both of my parents always encouraged an open, honest conversation about the seemingly icky things in life. My first conversation about sex happened when I got my first kinda-real boyfriend at 15. I knew it was coming by the nervous way they asked me to sit down on the couch, telling me there was something they wanted to talk about. At this age, I had zero interest in sleeping with with any guys. In all honesty, I hadn’t even had my first kiss yet, and in the 2 and 1/2 weeks my kinda-boyfriend and I dated, it never happened.

But what did happen was an honest conversation with my parents about sex, and how it affected relationships. We talked about how sex as a fine, natural part of life, and something they were fine with me doing- so long as I was careful with not just my body, but my heart. Beyond the usual ‘wear a condom, don’t get pregnant’ spiel, my mom sat me down to help me realize that sex was an incredibly emotional thing as well. I realized this, and that’s why I was in no way ready to start having sex at 15. I knew whoever I had sex with, I wanted to love them. I was definitely not ready to make my body and heart so vulnerable to anyone yet, especially not the guy I was dating at the time.

Continue reading