Hey friends. I know, I know, who’s that girl? It’s been almost a full year since I last blogged, and there are so many changes that have been made in my Life since.
For starters, I am now single. What a gross word, single. Single, only one. Alone. Blech. I prefer- on my own, or newly liberated. Okay, maybe that was a step too far, but I don’t feel alone. Honestly, I feel free. I feel relieved, I feel renewed, and I feel like I have a wonderful chance to ‘start over’ and create the exact Life I’d like to lead.
The choice to leave my wonderful Jacob was not an easy one, because he honestly did nothing wrong. He was always kind to me, cared for me, and wanted the best for me. He never hurt me, cheated on me, or did me wrong. So why leave? I wish I could answer simply. In short, my giving, nurturing nature got the best of me, and I had forgotten to live for myself. Everything I did was to make sure Jake was happy, healthy, taken care of , fed, clothed, etc. Things a mother does for her child, not a girlfriend for a boyfriend. My definition of love was to martyr myself for his happiness, something I put completely on myself. This makes it even harder to be away from him now, because I still care for him deeply, but I know a relationship isn’t in my best interest right now.
I have goals that I want to achieve, things that I want to be proud of accomplishing completely on my own. It’s important for me to take time in my early 20’s (can you believe I’ll be 22 in a matter of months?) to assert myself as being independent. It’s important to me to feel free to make whatever decisions about my life I see fit. Yes, I am being selfish. But if not now, when? I haven’t been single since I was 17, and I just didn’t want to live my life and never know what it felt like to be on my own. I felt there was a very important chunk of Life experience waiting for me, calling to be explored on my own. Along the way, there are things I’d like to gain. Continue reading