Single.

Hey friends. I know, I know, who’s that girl? It’s been almost a full year since I last blogged, and there are so many changes that have been made in my Life since.

For starters, I am now single. What a gross word, single. Single, only one. Alone. Blech. I prefer- on my own, or newly liberated. Okay, maybe that was a step too far, but I don’t feel alone. Honestly, I feel free. I feel relieved, I feel renewed, and I feel like I have a wonderful chance to ‘start over’ and create the exact Life I’d like to lead.

The choice to leave my wonderful Jacob was not an easy one, because he honestly did nothing wrong. He was always kind to me, cared for me, and wanted the best for me. He never hurt me, cheated on me, or did me wrong. So why leave? I wish I could answer simply. In short, my giving, nurturing nature got the best of me, and I had forgotten to live for myself. Everything I did was to make sure Jake was happy, healthy, taken care of , fed, clothed, etc. Things a mother does for her child, not a girlfriend for a boyfriend. My definition of love was to martyr myself for his happiness, something I put completely on myself. This makes it even harder to be away from him now, because I still care for him deeply, but I know a relationship isn’t in my best interest right now.

I have goals that I want to achieve, things that I want to be proud of accomplishing completely on my own. It’s important for me to take time in my early 20’s (can you believe I’ll be 22 in a matter of months?) to assert myself as being independent. It’s important to me to feel free to make whatever decisions about my life I see fit. Yes, I am being selfish. But if not now, when? I haven’t been single since I was 17, and I just didn’t want to live my life and never know what it felt like to be on my own. I felt there was a very important chunk of Life experience waiting for me, calling to be explored on my own. Along the way, there are things I’d like to gain. Continue reading

Advertisements

20 Things I Thought I’d Be Able To Do By 20 (But Can’t)

Hey friends! Hope you didn’t mind my break last week. Jake and I were enjoying a relaxing weekend at Horseshoe Bay Resort, compliments of my ever-wonderful bosses! Jake and I have just been so busy on the weekends, last week was finally the weekend we could enjoy our Christmas present! The whole resort is gorgeous, and we had a super nice spa day that I highly recommend you go and check out for yourself. But enough about that. Friends, when I was young and naive [read: 16 years old], I was convinced that as soon as I graduated high school and left for college, that was it. I was an adult. I would have an apartment, go to school, go to bars and parties (eventually), and basically just have all my shit together. HA. HA. HA. There’s a lot I thought I would be able to do on my own by the age of 20, but here are 20 things that I definitely still can’t. Continue reading