The Girl by the Lake

Hey friends! A totally different blog post today. I wrote this short piece a few years back and have been so hesitant to share it with the world. For whatever reason, at 9pm on a random Monday night I decided it was time. Enjoy this short piece of fiction and be on the lookout for more regular blog posts soon!

 

The Girl by the Lake

She looked out at the setting sun, watching its reflection distort in the ripples of the lake. A single tear fell and trailed down her nose as she looked down, watching her skirt blow in the breeze. A piece of hair blew into her face and she tucked it behind her ear while discreetly wiping away her tear. Her arms went back to being folded across her chest, as if squeezing herself tighter would somehow keep things from falling apart. Her breathing was shallow, and her heart hurt. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, feeling tears well and a jerk in her chest, but she did her best to take a shaky deep breath and keep from bursting into sobs.

She heard him shifting on the gravel behind her. She didn’t know if she hated him or not yet. All she knew was complete devastation. She stood looking down at her shoes on the sandy gravel of the lakeshore, biting her lip and feeling him just a few feet behind her. Why is he still here?

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Single.

Hey friends. I know, I know, who’s that girl? It’s been almost a full year since I last blogged, and there are so many changes that have been made in my Life since.

For starters, I am now single. What a gross word, single. Single, only one. Alone. Blech. I prefer- on my own, or newly liberated. Okay, maybe that was a step too far, but I don’t feel alone. Honestly, I feel free. I feel relieved, I feel renewed, and I feel like I have a wonderful chance to ‘start over’ and create the exact Life I’d like to lead.

The choice to leave my wonderful Jacob was not an easy one, because he honestly did nothing wrong. He was always kind to me, cared for me, and wanted the best for me. He never hurt me, cheated on me, or did me wrong. So why leave? I wish I could answer simply. In short, my giving, nurturing nature got the best of me, and I had forgotten to live for myself. Everything I did was to make sure Jake was happy, healthy, taken care of , fed, clothed, etc. Things a mother does for her child, not a girlfriend for a boyfriend. My definition of love was to martyr myself for his happiness, something I put completely on myself. This makes it even harder to be away from him now, because I still care for him deeply, but I know a relationship isn’t in my best interest right now.

I have goals that I want to achieve, things that I want to be proud of accomplishing completely on my own. It’s important for me to take time in my early 20’s (can you believe I’ll be 22 in a matter of months?) to assert myself as being independent. It’s important to me to feel free to make whatever decisions about my life I see fit. Yes, I am being selfish. But if not now, when? I haven’t been single since I was 17, and I just didn’t want to live my life and never know what it felt like to be on my own. I felt there was a very important chunk of Life experience waiting for me, calling to be explored on my own. Along the way, there are things I’d like to gain. Continue reading

The Death of Summer

Who knew this would happen so soon?

I knew I would miss it eventually, but the idea seemed so distant.

Am I the only one that feels it’s absence?

Am I the only one of my-aged peers that doesn’t have one?

My friends, I am talking about summer.

Gone are the days of having up to 3 months without a care in the world. There are bills to pay, work to be done, and seemingly no time to spare. Continue reading

Literally Inches Away

Ya’ll. I turn 21 in just two short months, and I have never been more frustrated/excited. At this point it’s seriously just a huge annoyance to not be able to drink when Jake and I go out to watch sports, because we usually end up at Buffalo Wild Wings or Pluckers at a time that we’re not hungry, so Jake just orders one or two beers and the waitress always looks pissy like we wasted her time. I’ve worked in a restaurant, albeit not as a server, but I do know how hard it is for them to get by on their measly minimum wage (servers at my restaurant got $2.13/hr- just enough to cover taxes on their hours worked), and I know that every table counts when it comes to tips. The point is, I feel bad, but I can’t do anything more about how our bill comes out!  Sorry! Continue reading

I’m Here!

I’m not gone forever, friends!

Just an incredibly busy month. Jake and I moved into a new apartment, helped his parents move into a new apartment, I was out sick for almost a week, have a new job situation, traveled to Dallas, and of course just the whole mess that comes with getting settled into a new place.

Funny story about settling in: you never think about all the ‘stuff’ you need to make a home. Sure we have a bed and a couch, tv, pots, pans, a table, things like that. But it’s all those ‘little things’ that you don’t ever think about buying, but when you’re starting over in a new place, you need to! Things like plastic sandwich bags, mustard, and basic spices. Friends, I started to make dinner on one of our first nights at home, and I literally had to stop halfway through because I realized we had no salt or pepper. The little things, friends. Continue reading